Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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