One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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