shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
