Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
