i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
