Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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