Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
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New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
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I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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