haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
