Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
