OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Enjoy the penises
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
