i just wanna soil my oats bro
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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