Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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