does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
