think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
