He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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