I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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