I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
