It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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