hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
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