I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
