Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
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Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Someone stole a lamp last night.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize