Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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