Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
