i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
