She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
