We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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