She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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