Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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