Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
