It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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