god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
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