just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You pole danced in your parka.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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