my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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