she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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