I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
