dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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