its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
