Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I lost the right to judge tonight
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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