i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
