i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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