why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
