Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
