We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
