I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
