i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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