I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
