you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
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He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
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I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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