I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
