People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
