I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
