Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
