Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
