how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
