It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
