I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
