saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
