Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
