HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
