at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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