She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
