I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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