We won't sleep together?
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
