I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
