And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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