I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
