look no pants
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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