I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
this just has baby written all over it
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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