u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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