Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just cropdusted the office
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
