Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
