I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
