it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
