I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
