Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
