I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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