my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize