he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
